…from Chef Boyardee:

Apparently “add your own Mozzarella” is required to get anything resembling the picture on the front

To understand the directions, or to connect the instructions to the visible outcome, the chef must lay aside quaint “literal” definitions of words such as “contain,” “cover,” “twelve inches,” and “cheese.”

…if only

From the directions: “Coat two 12-inch pizza pans…” “…spread dough to edge; pinch edge to contain sauce.”

The dough barely covered one 12 inch pizza pan. The entire can of “sauce” didn’t even approach the edge …of one pizza!

“Open cheese pouch; sprinkle evenly over sauce.” “add… cheese… if desired”

O.K. so I just now realize that I assumed the word ‘cover’ would apply here, as in “The cheese will cover the sauce.” But the powdered parmesan did nothing of the sort. It kinda mounded up in the middle and refused to cover anything. From the picture on the front of the box, I assumed that there would be some sort of molten cheese near this pizza at some point. I added about 4 slices of my own cheese, which I had to tear up in little pieces.

Uh oh… some of that sauce is getting close to the edge… Good thing I pinched the crust to contain it!

With an 8x increase in cheese related food product, the sauce is not even close to covered… Too bad I don’t have any more.

Finished Product…
not too bad… still, I would call it a “cheese” pizza… Needs about 2 more pounds of cheese. I feel sorry for people who took the “if desired” literally.